Life Topics

Dear Diary

DCF 1.0

Dear Diary

Today I was bored.  I drove to work making lists in my head.  There’s all sorts of stuff that I need to unpack; serious, embedded, moldy to-dos that hover and poke at my psyche.  Why is it these demands always rush to my conscience when I am driving? I’m the type to bury my head when I don’t want to face something.  The list is much too long.  I must call my son, file paperwork, repair my windshield, walk the dog, pay some bills and renew my passport.  You never know when a European vacation could cross my path.  I purposefully wish my list away, as I reach to turn on the radio.  A few things linger in my mind, but not everything.  Noise is bliss.

The center of town looks as it always does, serene suburbia, except for an ambulance parked down the street with its lights flashing.  I give it little thought.   Seems like more of an emergency when the sirens are blaring.  I park in the town center, and cross the street to go to the town hall where my office is located.  I notice some teenagers coming out of a convenience store.  They are laughing and waking close together, like I remember.  I ask myself, “Do I wish I were a teenager again?”  No.  But, I would like to be that carefree again, maybe for just a day, or just an hour.  My mental list switches to a work agenda, as I put the key in the door to unlock it.

Uploading video files gives me some time to reflect.  I wonder how my friend is doing, who lost her father yesterday.  I have to pick up some flowers for her.  Add it to the list.  Upload completed.
Who will watch these videos that I’ve worked on?  Will it be important to them?  I doubt people have “watch public access” on their to-do lists, but I’m hopeful.  It’s why I keep doing what I do.  Scanning the program listing, I notice a number of shows that I’ve produced and feel good about it.  I’m not changing the world, but maybe I’m reaching someone.  Just anyone.

So why am I writing to you Diary, when this boring day gives me so little to tell?  Because, some days are just filled with a sense of serenity like the cool waters of an inlet. Nothing to report. I should embrace these days, even though they are just a footnote.   No one I love is sick or hurting.  Work was done and was uneventful.  Demanding lists invaded my space, but I will listen to my heart not my head.  I tend to turn away, and evade the urgent anyway .  I just want to live life on my own terms, not on what is expected.  I want to choose what is important to me;  simply.

Reevaluate this critical list to see what surfaces.

I will pick up some flowers and call my son.