Life Topics

The List

I have a List.
It’s not an extensive to-do, just a large purple post-it with that sits next to my computer.  Sometimes it’s pretty full. I would feel like a superstar if I could get it all done.   I have a pencil next to it to scratch off things that have been conquered.  Important things have stars next to them, some items have question marks, and some are faded scratches that I can’t make out.  Unfortunately, today only 3 things have been scratched off.

There are things that linger for weeks, at least it seems.  They perpetually get copied from one List over to a new List for another day.  The one thing that’s always on there is “back up computer”.  I don’t know about you, but this always gets pushed to another day.  How hard is it to back up a computer?  In my nightmares, it never gets done, and my computer crashes.  I think I might do that today, not sure.

I’m trying to be productive, be that model employee who’s on top of things.  Well, I do make some progress, but it screams at me, “research authors”, “clean studio”, and “upload programs”.   These things I might not get to today. They’re important enough to get on the List, but there’s no star next to them.

As I work, new emails flash in front of my eyes.  “Oh, a sale at Wayfair, oh new yarns at WEBS, oh Amazon recommends something.”    Just a quick look at the emails.  I happily order a few new things for myself, which are not on the List, and go back to the financial report.  Emails are a killer life and List distraction.

I wonder, am I really a List person?  As I look around me, my List is covered with files and mail.  I’ll have to unbury it to get started again.  The mess is familiar, and almost comforting, but highly unproductive.  Should I abandon the List for the quiet chaos I’m so familiar with?  No, I’ve been there.  Using a List has brought some important change in my life.  I have become more focused, more organized and more productive.  I think I’ll move the mail and files now.

I need my List to be the person I want to be.

Life Topics

Dear Diary

DCF 1.0

Dear Diary

Today I was bored.  I drove to work making lists in my head.  There’s all sorts of stuff that I need to unpack; serious, embedded, moldy to-dos that hover and poke at my psyche.  Why is it these demands always rush to my conscience when I am driving? I’m the type to bury my head when I don’t want to face something.  The list is much too long.  I must call my son, file paperwork, repair my windshield, walk the dog, pay some bills and renew my passport.  You never know when a European vacation could cross my path.  I purposefully wish my list away, as I reach to turn on the radio.  A few things linger in my mind, but not everything.  Noise is bliss.

The center of town looks as it always does, serene suburbia, except for an ambulance parked down the street with its lights flashing.  I give it little thought.   Seems like more of an emergency when the sirens are blaring.  I park in the town center, and cross the street to go to the town hall where my office is located.  I notice some teenagers coming out of a convenience store.  They are laughing and waking close together, like I remember.  I ask myself, “Do I wish I were a teenager again?”  No.  But, I would like to be that carefree again, maybe for just a day, or just an hour.  My mental list switches to a work agenda, as I put the key in the door to unlock it.

Uploading video files gives me some time to reflect.  I wonder how my friend is doing, who lost her father yesterday.  I have to pick up some flowers for her.  Add it to the list.  Upload completed.
Who will watch these videos that I’ve worked on?  Will it be important to them?  I doubt people have “watch public access” on their to-do lists, but I’m hopeful.  It’s why I keep doing what I do.  Scanning the program listing, I notice a number of shows that I’ve produced and feel good about it.  I’m not changing the world, but maybe I’m reaching someone.  Just anyone.

So why am I writing to you Diary, when this boring day gives me so little to tell?  Because, some days are just filled with a sense of serenity like the cool waters of an inlet. Nothing to report. I should embrace these days, even though they are just a footnote.   No one I love is sick or hurting.  Work was done and was uneventful.  Demanding lists invaded my space, but I will listen to my heart not my head.  I tend to turn away, and evade the urgent anyway .  I just want to live life on my own terms, not on what is expected.  I want to choose what is important to me;  simply.

Reevaluate this critical list to see what surfaces.

I will pick up some flowers and call my son.