Life Topics

I Must Sing

The blank page is intimidating.  The hollow compliment is confusing.  The echo of doubt is disturbing. How can we follow a path with obstacles or contempt?  Jealousy, ego and loathing can block good intentions.  Mindfulness is the foundation that propels us.   Picture it, and it will become.  Outside voices are unnecessary, both good and bad.  Go forward with guts and ignorance as your tools, not really knowing it can be done.  Just believe fully with the heart of an innocent, and the strength of a bull.

I want to be a writer.  I ask myself, “Why do I think I can do that?”  Well, I have feelings, I have words, I have paper and I have passion.  All necessary ingredients of a storyteller.  Once upon a time, there was a girl who had her head in the clouds wanting to bring others along, describing a magical place, a place you want to go.   My intense desire for people to smell, taste and feel what’s inside of me, comes out in the dark hours at my keyboard.   Solitary hours, building prose that will hopefully relate to the reader.  The sweet fragrance of an observer’s approval and acceptance; even occasional praise.  But I’m not in it for a compliment.  Thank you.

My imagination is fleeting from one situation to another.  My attention span has never been solid.  However, looking at my surroundings brings music, and I must sing.  I have always seen things below the surface.  The winter sky or the mysteries of a frozen lake.  Have you really looked at the winter sky with the shining stars you can almost touch?  Allow yourself to be enticed by a world of words, a place that I want to bring alive.  Please come along with me.

The energy is exuding from my mind to my fingertips.  I focus on the obvious in a way that hopefully makes you really see it.  Reach down inside yourself and spill your experience into your own words.  “I get that…I’ve been there” you may say.  And that is what brings us together.  A common feeling that we may not have known how to describe.  I want to do that for you, do it for us.

I am an untuned instrument trying to make a sweet sound, dreaming, creating, and describing.  My words are not profound.  My thoughts are not prophetic.  I just want to create a place for conversation.  This blog will be my outlet for now, where you can visit as often as you like. A place to share a cup of coffee and read about your own life through another’s eyes. Writer or not, I have a lot to say.  So, join me on my journey because a story isn’t just a story it can be a place called home.

Life Topics

Death

Death is an evil muse, an uninvited bitch, tearing our fragile heart out without a thought. Emotions can be like a roller coaster climbing to highs of comfort and acceptance, then down with the sweet memories that you have in the dark, alone.  You try to hear their voice again, remember their touch.  Confusion and sadness can drape the survivors, who wonder if there is a God.  “Why” echoes throughout the grieved, a question that is flatly unanswered.

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately.  I am on the threshold of my elder years and am starting to feel the tender pain of loss.  A pain that time will conveniently tuck away.  Hardly any time goes by that I hear of a death of someone I know or know of.  It’s depressing.  A dear friend has just passed and that caused me a quiet agony for all the memories we will never have.  Life without her has left a wide gaping hole.  She touched my life so profoundly that I feel like I’m a better person because of her.

The fear of having so many empty holes in my life scares me.  No one lives forever, however, we carry on as if death is a whisper that we cover our ears not to hear.  But our eyes and hands can see it coming after those who suffer.  All we can do is helplessly look on.  Dad is now fragile and is quickly failing.  He is like the living dead.  Every visit is our last, every hug is tighter, every laugh turns into quiet tears.  My ability to handle his impending death is doubtful.  I can’t bring myself to prepare.

I wish I knew what exactly I’m trying to say.  I just know that I am afraid of death.  Afraid of the aftermath, the sorrow, the loss.  And angry, yes angry!  I want my “whys” to be answered, but alas it’s not for me to know.  I guess the only answer to feeling this way is to live.  Don’t take the people in your life for granted.  Stop and have that conversation with your neighbor, turn off the TV and call a friend, hug for just a few seconds longer and build fabulous memories.  Because when you remember, you honor a life in a way that keeps them in your heart forever.

 

Life Topics

Acceptance

Acceptance

Build your house with solid beam
and nails that respect the wood.
Welcome the walls that hold
up the roof.

Acceptance brings comfort
to all that surrounds you.
Don’t look with disdain at
dirty windows or aging
furniture.

Listen to the rain meet the
roof, acknowledging the drops
as faith pouring down.

Accept the price, accept the
rusty hinges that open your
doors to those in need.

Accept the house, and all
that fills it.  Heartbreak is
yours if you turn away
from the glow of the fire.