Tag: partner

Life Topics

Mom

Jo McLaughlin

It was the first visit without Dad.  They always came in a pair except now she’s “flying solo”.  I wonder if she can navigate without him.  Entering the room, she says a quick hello and rushes to the bathroom.  It was a long, snowy, lonely drive from the Cape for an 85-year-old.  As she left the room, I turned to Jamie frowning and told him I miss my Dad, with only my eyes.  He understood and nodded his head.  Dad has been gone for three months and now it was time to learn who this woman was to me.  Who we all were without Dad.

We were excited to have Mom visit but didn’t know what it would look like.  Dad would always make a joke or comment to take her out of her own head.  She could be bossy, nosy, critical and opinionated, not to mention stubborn.  Mom could also be very loving in a restrictive, lukewarm, guarded way as only an Irish Mother can pull off.  If I poured a glass of wine before 5pm on a Saturday, Mom would either make a slanted comment or give me the “hairy eyeball.”  He, on the other hand, would enthusiastically ask me if the wine was good inquiring like a Sommelier at a fine restaurant.  Dad accepted who I am with all my flaws.  I guess you could say that Dad was a buffer between me and my mother.  He always had my back.

We passed the time watching TV, shopping and eating.  She helped me with wedding plans and we attended Mass on Saturday (before I had my wine).  She only criticized me a few times.  Overall, we had a good time.  I’m starting to get to know that strong, willful person who raised me.  I never really took the time to get to know her before.  The way I see it, I have a choice.  I can reacquaint myself with Mom and get to a new level or continue to grieve a loss without looking forward.  We have a brand-new opportunity to reach out and define ourselves; become reborn in the shadow of death.  Even though she can irritate me, I do recognize that who she is makes her whole and beautiful.  If it wasn’t for her showing me strength and resilience, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

I have to accept that the missing puzzle piece is gone forever.  The circle has been broken and has left a wide gap.  Is it up to Mom to fill the void?  No, she has her own place.  I was afraid that I wouldn’t know who she would be as a single person.  Now I’m realizing that she’s always been her own person.    I can see that navigating her way through life alone is not a problem for her.  She misses Dad but his absence is part of life, our life.  We didn’t talk about my father much during the visit, but he was there in our hearts and in the music of the wind chimes outside.

I love you Mom.

Life Topics

A Walk in the Woods

Jo McLaughlin

The once buried autumn leaves were scattered throughout the trail, dried out from the last snow fall.
Scattered winter branches and twigs littered the path.  Tree roots peeked through the leaves which could cause an ankle injury if you weren’t paying attention.  Picking up your feet was required to continue.  Downhill was tricky as my boots would slip on the leaves, narrowly missing roots.  Today was a gift of early spring, calling us to the trail for a mid-afternoon walk with McDermott our dog.

The creaking whine of large tree branches high above would remind you of a squealing animal when the wind moves through the woods.  We hardly noticed it as we “talked treason”, as the Irish say.  Quiet seclusion is the perfect place for conversation.  Walking side by side keeping an eye out for the dog, our legs and breathing in sync, connecting with each other beyond routine.  Nature wipes out a revving mind, a worried mind and focuses on basic steps and the simple beauty of the empty wood.

A mile and a half into the walk, we rounded a corner approaching my favorite knoll of pine trees.   This is the place where the air drapes over me in calm.  I walk below the pines and hope he feels the same way.  This location approaches the last bridge before we complete the circle, so it’s my last exhale before we go back to our life.  Looking forward as the path winds to the bridge makes me happy and sad at the same time.  The parking lot is not far.  I don’t want to go home yet.

McD takes this last opportunity to leap over some downed trees off the path and run into the water to muddy his paws.  I don’t care if my car gets filthy.  He circles around and repeats his joy, running ahead of us.  McDermott’s freedom of movement brings me to a place of total comfort.  Animals are meant to run free without consequence.  They show you how much they enjoy the occasional untethering, and I’m excited for him.

Ask me what my favorite thing to do is?  A long walk in the woods with my sweet dog and my committed partner.  We solve problems, cherish memories, and have some laughs.  We lovingly reconnect in a way that you can’t plan or even expect.  The change of scenery reaches into a place we don’t often go.  It can be all encompassing allowing us to have the simplest of thoughts reflected in our basic wooded surroundings.  It is magical.