If it wasn’t bad enough surviving an abusive marriage, now I’m forced to recount it for others outside my circle of friends. This stuff is private and hurtful and sensitive. However, there it is in a list of questions, asking “Why the marriage broke up”, “Were We Good Catholics” etc. etc. There’s not enough time or energy to express all that went wrong. Not to mention, it had nothing to do with religion. My desire to remarry in the Catholic Church has proven to be monumental and slightly insane. It’s called the Annulment process and it’s awkwardly personal and mildly disturbing.
The requests for mountains of documents and infuriating questions have brought me to a standstill. What was I thinking? Is walking down a church isle that important to me? I’m beginning to wonder. But, still, I stick to my guns. Like a good Catholic girl, I honestly answer all the questions not quite understanding why they are important. “Did I try to have my marriage blessed in the church?” No. “Are there any Character witnesses.” No. The answer is No. No. and No. God Damn it.
I understand they want to make sure we are entering this sacrament with full commitment, but do we have to bare our souls in order to please the church? God knows me. I mean, really knows me. I talk to him multiple times a day and am very happy with our relationship. But, alas, that’s not enough. The line of questioning is supposed to paint a full picture of who I am. A heathen, who married outside of the church, had no desire to have the marriage blessed, and dissolved a marriage like I was throwing out a dirty rag.
Apparently, a group of priests will hold my future in their hands, judging the answers that I give. Tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God. OK. He was mentally unstable and verbally abusive. Is that what you really want to know? Do you want to know all the times I sobbed because he called me names and put me down? Do you want to know how screwed up marriages can be? Should I have gotten that hot mess blessed in the church? I don’t think so.
Do I sound bitter? Well, believe it or not, I am not. I am going through with this because I am devout member of my church. Do I like these questions? Absolutely not! All I can do is follow through and see where it brings me. If I’m not a fit Catholic than so be it. I know my character and am proud of who I am. If my annulment is not granted, then we fly to Vegas and have Elvis marry us. It’s going to happen one way or another.
Amen.