Tag: commitment

Life Topics

Pitfalls

Jo Toale

My attention span is short at best.  Like a dog, if I see a squirrel, I immediately divert my energy.  I find myself scrolling through Facebook and all the “squirrels” have me bouncing around.  I’m noticing that I get caught up in all kinds of nonsense.  I can pass by the pleasantries and the sappy, yet poignant posts, the quotes and life lessons with an occasional share.  I’m not that insightful really.  Why not share something I never would have posted myself, like children are a treasure, believe in yourself, live in the moment, etc.?  Instead, where do I usually go?  To the visual pitfalls of lazy curiosities.

Don’t show me a recipe video or I’ll be hooked from start to finish, deciding if it’s too trailer trash to make.  Well, if the main ingredient is tatter tots and cheese it might spike my interest. How easy, I could make that.  Could I really serve it?  Probably not, but I have to see it to the end.  There might be an all-important secret to this delightful dish, as only I could master.  As it builds, adding more and more ingredients, I start shifting and make a mental note of the full list of items added.  Way too much work.  Plus, I have to remember that I don’t really like cooking.  I like to eat.
Next.

Oh, there’s a video showing someone fold napkins 200 different ways.  Perfect, I need to see that.  A swan and a flower, who knew?  Beautifully printed fabric napkins were used to create an amazing table to impress the most discerning guest.  If I practiced, I might be able to pull off a swan, I think to myself.  I was looking for the easiest elegant one to try.  Then I remembered that my paper napkins are always an afterthought thrown on the table at the last minute.  No heavy lifting there.
Next.

Hey, a video of someone refinishing a piece of furniture.  Need to get a refresher in this skill.  I’ve refinished items in the past, but it wouldn’t hurt to get more tips.  I like how they speed up sections of the tutorial which makes it seem less arduous, but I know the truth.  You need a lot of patience to undertake these kinds of projects. And even more patience to stay interested from start to finish.  When they put on an ugly piece of hardware or stain, I’m out.  The final product is something I wouldn’t put in my house.  And, if I did display it, I’d have to consider refinishing it.  Here we go again.
Next.

A one-of-a-kind cleaning product.  Yes, interested!  Show me how this works.  Spray on any surface, and voila, like new.  No scrubbing. I like that.  It cleans toilets, pots and pans, sneakers, sinks and furniture.  It’s a miracle, tell me more.  Maybe it could be a dessert topping too, like shown on Saturday night live.  I wouldn’t be surprised.  Heartfelt testimonials follow, showing an undying commitment to the product.  They seem so happy and complete with this find.  And as luck would have, it’s on sale.  Easy payments.  I almost push the button when I realize I don’t clean.  We have a cleaning woman, so we just mindlessly write a check.
Next.

Scrolling, scrolling, hmmmm.  I’m only seeing birthday and news posts.  No videos I can get into at the moment.  Where are the infomercials on building a tree house, 100 ways to braid your hair, or how to remove disgusting black heads?  I feel like there’s nothing left for me to watch today.  I’m tapped out.  Maybe it’s time to put the phone down.

Ooooh a squirrel!

Life Topics

I Do

Jo Toale

I believe that I’ve found my prince charming.  I kissed a lot of frogs to get here.  I’m now with someone I never thought would happen to me.  We are in sync as we step through the challenges of our life together.  No, we would not have ever been pegged as compatible.  Not by a long shot.  We are absolute complete opposites.  In fact, I’m sure some people put money on us not making it.  Yet here we are on the threshold of our wedding, committing ourselves to forever.

In one week, we will be saying “I do” in the eyes of God.  But it goes beyond the religious sense of commitment, as we’ve experienced over the last 26 years.  In reality, it’s more likely I will think “I do respect you but you’re wrong”, “I do love you, but I don’t like you right now”, “I do want to be your partner, but you’re pissing me off.” Our life will be full of “I dos” for a number of reasons.  Real life reasons that sustain us beyond the alter.  I do, and I am who I am, and he is who he is.  And I like him.  Let’s start there.

Laughter has always been a major part of our relationship.  We can make each other laugh in the face of despair or awkwardness.  The foundation of our relationship is the respect we have for each other.  Love comes 3rd or 4th on the list of ingredients to a good relationship, in my humble opinion.  Avoiding drama and keeping it real has been our strength for many years.  We talk openly and honestly no matter what and try to meet up in a place of contentment if possible.  If not, animosities dissipate to the graveyard of of “let’s agree to not agree.”  Laughter usually ensues which can take your breath away, as you realize how trivial the arguments can be.  Remember what’s important.

Beyond the dress and the pomp and circumstance there will be good times and bad, and I’m ready for that.  After all this time together, we know what we’re getting into and welcome it.  It’s not like most newly wedded couples who start their life together, we’ve had a life together.  We’re just starting a new chapter.  We’ve already done the courtship, the “getting to know you”, the comfortable stage.  Our friendship is timeless.  We are just two people who find comfort and strength in each other.  As you say in Jr. High School, “I don’t like him, I LIKE LIKE him.”  I like him so much I think I’ll marry him!

 

Life Topics

Annulment

Jo Toale

If it wasn’t bad enough surviving an abusive marriage, now I’m forced to recount it for others outside my circle of friends.  This stuff is private and hurtful and sensitive.  However, there it is in a list of questions, asking “Why the marriage broke up”, “Were We Good Catholics” etc. etc.  There’s not enough time or energy to express all that went wrong.  Not to mention, it had nothing to do with religion.  My desire to remarry in the Catholic Church has proven to be monumental and slightly insane.  It’s called the Annulment process and it’s awkwardly personal and mildly disturbing.

The requests for mountains of documents and infuriating questions have brought me to a standstill.  What was I thinking?  Is walking down a church isle that important to me?  I’m beginning to wonder.  But, still, I stick to my guns.  Like a good Catholic girl, I honestly answer all the questions not quite understanding why they are important.  “Did I try to have my marriage blessed in the church?”  No.  “Are there any Character witnesses.”  No.  The answer is No. No. and No.  God Damn it.

I understand they want to make sure we are entering this sacrament with full commitment, but do we have to bare our souls in order to please the church?  God knows me.  I mean, really knows me.  I talk to him multiple times a day and am very happy with our relationship.  But, alas, that’s not enough. The line of questioning is supposed to paint a full picture of who I am.  A heathen, who married outside of the church, had no desire to have the marriage blessed, and dissolved a marriage like I was throwing out a dirty rag.

Apparently, a group of priests will hold my future in their hands, judging the answers that I give.  Tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.  OK.  He was mentally unstable and verbally abusive.  Is that what you really want to know?  Do you want to know all the times I sobbed because he called me names and put me down?  Do you want to know how screwed up marriages can be?  Should I have gotten that hot mess blessed in the church?  I don’t think so.

Do I sound bitter?  Well, believe it or not, I am not.  I am going through with this because I am devout member of my church.  Do I like these questions?  Absolutely not!  All I can do is follow through and see where it brings me.  If I’m not a fit Catholic than so be it.  I know my character and am proud of who I am.  If my annulment is not granted, then we fly to Vegas and have Elvis marry us.  It’s going to happen one way or another.

Amen.

Life Topics

Just Words

Jo Toale

My whole life I wanted to be a writer, not a ballerina, teacher or nurse, not even a Mommy, just a writer.  To be capable at an art form that can releases myself from myself.  However, it can be difficult task.  Putting the right words and thoughts together sometimes feels like climbing a mountain.  You start with focused intention and gather sentences that will make sense, scaling up to the audience to reach the peak.  It’s labor intensive and mentally coarse, as you reach deep inside yourself.  Writing, editing and re-writing is an exhaustive effort that you hope will results in something readers can enjoy and relate to.  Writers should raise us up, stories should connect us.

Sharing my life through words brings me happiness.  Although I’m not a professional writer, I do throw myself wholeheartedly into my passion.  The exercise helps me understand myself better while opening windows into other lives.  And, like any artist, I want to express myself to get a genuine message out.  It’s like standing naked in the town square when you finish a piece of work, exposing your inner thoughts and desires for all to judge.  You should be comfortable in your own skin.  Through my creation of authentic stories, I hope to be an instrument to start discussions or to just share basic emotions.

When I was little, I’d create little, short stories and draw pictures.  I didn’t do it a lot, but when I did, I was totally enthralled.  I think I liked doing the pictures best.  Reading wasn’t a big thing in my house, so I didn’t grow up with any literary influences. It wasn’t until my 20s when I became a conscientious reader, and then my world opened up.   I started out devouring novels but would end up falling in love with the authors, the amazing craftsmen.  I’d ask myself, “how did they put this awesome book together?”  The descriptive prose flowed from the pages directly into me.  The combination of kind, bold or even gentle words was totally fascinating.  I knew that I wanted to do that.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a level of excellence, but I remain quietly confident.  I like to hear myself think.  To aptly capture a true moment or situation is all I can do to fulfill my simple dream.  A book might be a worthy goal in the future.  I don’t really know.  I’ll keep practicing in order to comfort myself, and to grow as a competent storyteller.  I am always humbled when readers like my words, giving me their valuable time and attention.  It means so much to me.  And so, through my streaming insight and solid commitment, I will keep writing until I run out of words. And if you know me, you know that will never happen.

Life Topics

Friendship

Jo Toale

DSCN3860

There is a fine line to friendship.
It is wanting to be there – or
are you just there?

Do you listen and feel the pain,
or do you just listen and
offer little?

Give of yourself, your whole self
and don’t make the exchange
a convenience of sorts.
Care to the point where their
happiness is your happiness.

Be inside the person, and don’t
feign empathy or half-hearted advice.

Friendship is an eternal commitment
that doesn’t track the passing of time
or the absence of self.

Truly feel the pulse of the person,
and only then can you call them
your friend.