Tag: friendship

Life Topics

Love Letter to JP

Jo Toale

What can I say about JP?  Well, let me introduce you to one of the most admired persons in my life.  He is not only kind, considerate and loving, but he has overcome obstacles of which many of us have never experienced. I applaud his stamina and grit.  Truthfully, I used to dream about the “old JP” that I had missed, the guy who showed up early for every party.  He would bring a dish I could never imagine making but would bring so much flair to it that you had to try it.  Boy, could he cook.  His anticipation was contagious.  But, I realize now that the “before” JP has never really gone away.  He may not cook the same way, but he is still there in heart and in soul.   Only now, he is contained in a chair that only makes you a more captive audience.  His smile and kisses are as sweet as they always were.  Life is good with JP.

I love you.  Since the day I met you, I realized that you were a one-of-a-kind person.  Your love exudes humor and mild contempt, making me proud and tickled.  Sarcasm does not escape me.  We both appreciate a good laugh.  Your playful banter brings me to a place of delight.  You may be confined but your humor knows no limits.  Come to my yard and play, I secretly ask, and you oblige.  How you doin?

Your relationship with Lynn is an example of true commitment and faith.  We can all see how much love is between you.  That’s all we wanted for you.  After a few tentative relationships, the woman of your dreams finally showed up.  We were happy and a little relieved to say the least.  She is warm, kind and lovely; everything you deserve.  And now, she has proven that love knows no limits.  Her commitment is quiet and profound; selfless.   And you return that love in droves.  A truly strong partner.

This is my love letter to you.  You have made a grand impression on me.  You have taught me so much about what is important in life.  When you show up at bocce, I am excited to see and touch you.  I am happy to be a part of your life.  I may not see you a lot, but you’ve made a deep impression on me.  I carry your smile, your compassion and wit with me.  Yet, I somehow feel unworthy.  Why?  Because I could never face your challenges as you have with such dignity and grace.  You are my superhero, my true friend.

So, here we are.  Just two people enjoying our life.  Happy to spend time together whenever we can.  Wondering why life has thrown so many curve balls.  But at least we’re at the plate swinging.  Looking for the sweet spot on that bat, that’s going to hit it out of the park.  You’ve hit it out, way out.  I have watched you go from life of the party to a life of achievement and happiness.  Bringing your true self to a place of contentment and joy.  I will certainly drink to that because, well, I drink to everything.  You know that about me.

Cheers to my friend!  Thank you for never giving up on me, while I’ve never given up on you.  We are two peas enjoying the pod.  A friendship that will never die.

All my love.

Life Topics

I Do

Jo Toale

I believe that I’ve found my prince charming.  I kissed a lot of frogs to get here.  I’m now with someone I never thought would happen to me.  We are in sync as we step through the challenges of our life together.  No, we would not have ever been pegged as compatible.  Not by a long shot.  We are absolute complete opposites.  In fact, I’m sure some people put money on us not making it.  Yet here we are on the threshold of our wedding, committing ourselves to forever.

In one week, we will be saying “I do” in the eyes of God.  But it goes beyond the religious sense of commitment, as we’ve experienced over the last 26 years.  In reality, it’s more likely I will think “I do respect you but you’re wrong”, “I do love you, but I don’t like you right now”, “I do want to be your partner, but you’re pissing me off.” Our life will be full of “I dos” for a number of reasons.  Real life reasons that sustain us beyond the alter.  I do, and I am who I am, and he is who he is.  And I like him.  Let’s start there.

Laughter has always been a major part of our relationship.  We can make each other laugh in the face of despair or awkwardness.  The foundation of our relationship is the respect we have for each other.  Love comes 3rd or 4th on the list of ingredients to a good relationship, in my humble opinion.  Avoiding drama and keeping it real has been our strength for many years.  We talk openly and honestly no matter what and try to meet up in a place of contentment if possible.  If not, animosities dissipate to the graveyard of of “let’s agree to not agree.”  Laughter usually ensues which can take your breath away, as you realize how trivial the arguments can be.  Remember what’s important.

Beyond the dress and the pomp and circumstance there will be good times and bad, and I’m ready for that.  After all this time together, we know what we’re getting into and welcome it.  It’s not like most newly wedded couples who start their life together, we’ve had a life together.  We’re just starting a new chapter.  We’ve already done the courtship, the “getting to know you”, the comfortable stage.  Our friendship is timeless.  We are just two people who find comfort and strength in each other.  As you say in Jr. High School, “I don’t like him, I LIKE LIKE him.”  I like him so much I think I’ll marry him!

 

Life Topics

Writers, Let’s Be Friends

katechadbourne

Writing is solitary work for the most part. An idea strikes – or a deadline – and you withdraw to some quiet place to wrestle it onto the page. You’ve spent an hour or five in the echo chamber of your own mind, often beset by the mean rantings of the inner critic: no one cares, this has been done before and by better people, you’re a fraud/sham/loser, etc. etc. You know the drill. It takes boatloads of courage, self-mastery, and determination to complete a project, much less share it with the world.

At the same time, it’s exhilarating, it’s brilliant, and yes, it’s fun. You’ve invented a world. You’ve pulled a rabbit out of a hat. You’ve danced with the Muse and you’re high on inspiration. It’s a thrill! But just like those terrible self-attacking low points, these joyful, mighty, soaring times are experienced alone.

And that is why we need the company and friendship of other writers.

There is not ONE writer who has not experienced these peaks and valleys. They have faced their inner tigers and lived to tell the tale (quite literally!). They know what it is like to rev themselves up to get started, to inject energy and purpose into the boggy middle, and to stay the course with stamina and guts to cross the finish line. Their stories, their encouragement, their understanding, all of this is food and drink to you, just as yours is to them.

Some people complain that writers compete and can’t be trusted. This has not been my experience at all. For one thing, no one is writing the same thing, so there really is nothing to compete about. Even if we’re both poets, our visions, our approaches, and our goals are different; we may be walking the same general road, but we’re not walking it in the same way. But even more than that, I have come to believe that most people love to share a good thing – and writing is a very good thing. It’s a source of joy and self-discovery, of connection and meaning, and most of us want to see even more of that in the world.

This morning, I was very fortunate to speak with two writers face to face. We chatted about what’s important to us, what challenges us, and how and why we keep going. It was nourishing and inspiring. (Thank you, Jo and Kayla!). I came away from the conversation happy and eager to get cracking on my new book.

I want to live in a world of creative kindness, excitement, and inspiration and I know you do, too. It’s a blessing to belong, to speak the same language, to cheer and be cheered on. And so I say: Writers, let’s be friends.

Life Topics

Friendship

Jo Toale

DSCN3860

There is a fine line to friendship.
It is wanting to be there – or
are you just there?

Do you listen and feel the pain,
or do you just listen and
offer little?

Give of yourself, your whole self
and don’t make the exchange
a convenience of sorts.
Care to the point where their
happiness is your happiness.

Be inside the person, and don’t
feign empathy or half-hearted advice.

Friendship is an eternal commitment
that doesn’t track the passing of time
or the absence of self.

Truly feel the pulse of the person,
and only then can you call them
your friend.