Life Topics

Just a Dream

hand drawn, vector, sketch illustration of hockey stick

She came to me in my dreams last night, but did not speak a word.  She sat in a chair, wearing a red hat over her short gray crop, and donning  a colorful blouse.  It was an unusual outfit for her I remember thinking, as she was partial to neutral and charcoal tones.   Nana was as quiet in the dream as she was in life, but always an important presence.  I remember wondering why she didn’t speak to me.   I have missed her so, since she passed.  So much was going on around us, and yet she just looked at me.  Didn’t she miss me enough to talk to me?

It was like a Halloween party with everyone in costume; neighbors, a high school friend who I haven’t thought about in years, and children.  They were all swirling around me in a dance of celebration, while Nana sat in the middle and just watched; especially me.  Little Lilly took a picture of me with her father’s cell phone, just before he snatched it away from her.  She ran off giggling like she won a prize.  Her mother was walking around in costume holding Lilly’s little brother.  She was dressed in a schoolmarm outfit, almost marching to an invisible beat.  Many of the celebrants were riding dogs like they were horses, forming a line and riding down a long narrow street.   I had been riding a stong and beautiful golden lab, as I sped to the front of the parade to catch up with someone or something.  I don’t really remember.

Next, I was back at an old antebellum house to change out of my costume and came across some of my brother’s friends.  They were in an attic room playing poker, and trading baseball cards.   I stopped to talk to them, but they looked up and shook their heads no, as if to say, “You don’t belong here.”
“I demand to be here”, I reluctantly said, in almost a whisper, knowing they wouldn’t let me stay.  One of them, Bobby, got up and handed me a hockey stick and said that if I wanted to stay, that I’d have to bring them a head of lettuce and a Mickey Mantle Rookie card. “ I will not bring the card” I said,
“it is too important for me to part with, besides, Neil has that card.  You can get it from him!”
Neil got up, went to his closet and got out 5 Mickey Mantle Rookie cards,  put them on the table and lit them on fire.  I turned away to go to go to the kitchen to get the lettuce.

When I got to the kitchen, Nana was at the counter chopping lettuce.

Life Topics

The Black Skirt

black-skirt

I took the black skirt out of the closet and chose a white sweater to wear with it.  It looked like I could have been going to a job at a restaurant, but I wasn’t.  Today is Jeff’s funeral.

I didn’t want to wear black today, not today.  It was a symbol that I accepted the loss.  I didn’t want to believe that he was truly gone.  As I put on the skirt, I thought of all the other times I had worn it to parties, to work, to events, paired with a shimmering top or a simple t-shirt.  I wore this skirt in happiness and expectation.  Now it was paired with grief, the kind that lingers and transforms into a deep hurt for all who knew him.  I felt the blackness of sorrow for his other friends, his children and his parents.

Zipping up the skirt, I knew that I had to grab my black shoes before leaving.  My everyday shoes,  that I never thought much about.  They are comfortable and dependable.  I’ll be standing for the service, standing outside the church, inside the church, whispering “I’m sorry” a hundred times, wishing we didn’t have to be here.  Shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, I watch the mourners, sleep deprived and aching to go back in time; to see him one more time.

After services, I get back home to remove the skirt and put on some jeans.  I will wear this skirt again, but hopefully not to say goodbye to a friend.

Life Topics

Wonders Await the Curious Mind

img_0159I walk on feet both callous and soft, stepping firm on the path I’ve chosen.
This journey holds mystery and faith.

Make merry the possibilities of youth
looking to the left and right while moving forward.
Youth is gone, but the excitement lives.

The trail ahead is worn just enough to bring insight and pain.  Avoid the thorns.
Others’ thoughts have made the ground soft and sound, but you must take your own steps, avoiding sharp stones.

Howl at the moon to feel alive and heard.
Breathing deep, feeling the heartbeat of time.
In and out, soft and slow, step and feel,
step and know.

Wonders await the curious mind.
When did my youth end?  Does it matter?
Your winter brings a new vision of your future in pieces.
Walk in the direction that feels new and
alive, no matter what time has taught you.

 

Life Topics

Cheers

martini_and_citylarge
We sip wine and listen
to stories of love and loss.
We listen for what is not
said, knowing what is meant.

I’ll drink to that we say, and
we clink glasses just for the
festive spirit of being together.
Sharing our inner thoughts
brings a clear voice to the
present.

We need to be part of something,
part of the bigger picture.
A picture made of scraps of our
experiences.

Drink without regard to tomorrow,
for tomorrow doesn’t matter anyway.
Today is all that matters, and we are
here to share the moment.

Love is all there is.

Life Topics

Winter Night

woman_winterlargeWalking alone, I look down,
darkness surrounds my limbs.
Step carefully to find firm ground,
ice and stones remind you of hard times.
Each step creates a crunch in the snow.

Looking up, I can see my breath
and the beauty of the winter sky.
Stars so close, their light excites
and guides your path.  I can touch them
if I reach high enough.

Listen to your breath, as you wear a
heavy coat and daytime worry.  The snow
starts to come down, covering
you in shiny crystals, like a shawl
of renewal.

Let the wind intermittently take away sound,
as you cover your ears with your hat.
The chest must be covered by a scarf,
or the chill will distract your thoughts.
The soul must be covered by warm
memories or the cold will be your
enemy.

The chilly night will guide your dreams
if you stay warm and follow your
heart.

Life Topics

A Sudden Loss

iStock_000058582528_LargeA sudden loss makes you
think of softer times.
A time when you shared
a drink.  A time when you
shared a moment.

Why did you have to leave
so soon?  Did you know life
would be so short?
We expected you to be
around longer.

We will miss your smile, we
will miss your vibrance,
we will miss your heart.
But, mostly we’ll miss your
love of life.

Remember us well , as we will
remember you.  For we will
miss your presence in our
everyday life.

Rest sweet soul.  Rest easy that
you will be in a place with
non-stop sunshine and grace.
Follow our lives and stay
present to teach us what is
important.

We love you.
We miss you.

Life Topics

Painting

ArtBoxMy fingers are covered with
paint.  What am I trying to say?
Stoke gently, and follow a
line.

Bring the colors together
like a symphony of ideas.
Dark or light, light or dark?
Balance the world
in a playful motion.

You’re done when you
are done.
Hold the piece away
from you.
See if the colorful song
makes sense.

Life Topics

My Ideal Day

IMG_1102Sailing in the sun my life seems so
insignificant next to the grandness
of the sky, and the dancing diamonds
on the water.

I swim to relieve my bones, as well
as my temperature. The bouquet of
life bursts with the company of
friends, as we hook boats together to
share stories, to share cheese.

Floating with my ears under water
allows me to listen to my breath.
I love the basic sound of life.
Voices muffled above seem
far away, but the boat is
within reach.

Climbing out of the lake on the
boat ladder is sweet,
as drops of worry pour off of me.
I dry off to the sound of laughter.
I smile at my lover and kiss my dog.

I sip wine to help fulfill my ideal day,
hoping to dry off before the heat catches
up with me, and I have to jump in again.
I do jump in again, and again.

Where am I where life seems so perfect,
so serene?  I am on the lake, on the
surface where the boat rocks and lulls
me into incredible gratitude for all
that is tangible and intangible.

The sun will set soon, and it will all begin
again tomorrow.  I will be there tomorrow.
Sipping wine, floating on my back, diving
in the water, and hooking up with friends.
My ideal day.

Life Topics

Night Swim on Hickory Hills

dockLargeTake a swim in the night waters of the lake.
Feel the flow underneath you, as you
kick your legs and circle your arms.
Treading water makes you feel
like all the days worries are
pushed away with each motion.

Breathe deep, as you look up
to see the stars that watch over you.
Crickets sing a concert for your pleasure.
Slivers of moonlight dance on the waves.

Hear your laugh echo to the hidden shoreline,
The sound makes you laugh again, just to
hear your voice.  The boat is barely within
reach, but it doesn’t matter.

Talk treason with your friend as you
circle each other and feel the relief
from the thick air.
Submerge your whole body.
Wet your hair, wet your soul.

Howl at the moon calling on Mother Nature
to join in the fun.  She knows you are there
to be part of the universe.
She knows you are there.

Life Topics

Look Past Your Hands

handLife brings you surprises and
hope.  Look past your hands
at what awaits you.
Recognize what is real and
what is fake.

Tell your friends you love them
and watch what unfolds in your
beautiful life.  They lay the
bird songs at your feet, and
the music that fills your heart.

Keep your eyes on the phony
people who smile while they
try to suck the soul out of you.
Don’t be too trusting.

I hope that my future brings
me shiny things full of light
and wonder.  I will selfishly
gulp from the hose of plenty.
Sharing the nourishment meant
for the good of spirit.  Sharing
what makes me whole.

Don’t be surprised when you are
loved.  Open your arms to the acceptance
that awakens you.  Look past your hands
at your future.  Look past your hands.
Look past your hands.