Life Topics

What I Know

They say write about what you know.  I don’t know what I know.  I guess I can do laundry, fly an excel sheet, take care of a dog, raise two children, chew gum and walk, give up smoking, take up vaping, kill a bottle of wine, knit a sweater, take out the trash (if I have to), almost balance a check book, recite lines from a movie, walk like a chicken, sing badly, play solitaire, half read a book, edit video, send an email and attempt to “dress for success” (not usually done well).  Are any of these things worth writing about?

Instead, I sit at the keyboard trying to dream up an interesting topic.  Find one thing that makes you want to keep reading.  Are you still with me?  Good.  I’ll take baby steps to figure out where I’m going with this.  Kick around a few ideas.  Do you want to see me walk like a chicken?  Probably not.  Can I interest you in a spreadsheet demo?  No.  Maybe some dog tricks?  I’m at a loss, as I fidget and scratch my back with a pencil, wondering what to put on this blank screen.

Here I sit in the glow of the computer.  The 11 o’clock news is on in the background, with the dramatic music to make everything seem urgent.  The dog lies at my feet, breathing heavy, ready for bed.  My laundry basket sits in a dim corner of the bathroom, overflowing with a hint of yesterday’s odors.  I take deep drags from the vape blowing out stress and anxiety, thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow.  I know, I’ll make a list, YES a list!

Not like a “bucket list”, but much simpler.  You know, take notice of how I do things, and try not to do them anymore.  Live in the moment as they say.  Do all the usual stuff, but do it differently, better.  I will think of it as a “don’t” list.

Here goes:

  1. Wake up and don’t dread the morning.
  2. Take a shower and don’t curse your body in the mirror.
  3. Have breakfast, and don’t forget the medication.
  4. Go to mass and don’t fall asleep during the sermon.
  5. Say “I love you” and don’t just walk away, hold his eyes.
  6. Walk the dog and don’t forget the poop bag.
  7. Do the laundry and don’t leave a load in the dryer to pick thru all week.
  8. Call your parents and don’t cry when you hang up because they are so old.
  9. Text your sons just because and don’t forget the little hearts after you say ILY.
  10. Watch a documentary and don’t judge the hoarder, the family or the victim.
  11. Talk to the neighbor and don’t just give a small wave.
  12. Eat the ice cream and don’t feel guilty.
  13. Knit that sweater you’ve been working on for 2 years, and don’t get discouraged.
  14. Work on the computer and don’t lose track of precious time you could have with Jamie.
  15. Say your prayers and don’t leave anyone out.

My eyes are drooping so I have to go to bed now.  This life of mine, like most, is made up of small pieces that have made me the person I have become.  Sure, I can walk like a chicken and work a spreadsheet, but how can I be a better friend, daughter, Mom?  More important questions.  Will people think of me as negative if I feel guilty about the ice cream or too busy to talk to a neighbor, or have a bad body image?  Maybe they won’t even notice.

I finally know that I have to work my “list” in a positive, thoughtful way to make my journey one of love, generosity and faith.

“Time for bed McDermott.  Do you want a treat?”

Life Topics

Wonders Await the Curious Mind

img_0159I walk on feet both callous and soft, stepping firm on the path I’ve chosen.
This journey holds mystery and faith.

Make merry the possibilities of youth
looking to the left and right while moving forward.
Youth is gone, but the excitement lives.

The trail ahead is worn just enough to bring insight and pain.  Avoid the thorns.
Others’ thoughts have made the ground soft and sound, but you must take your own steps, avoiding sharp stones.

Howl at the moon to feel alive and heard.
Breathing deep, feeling the heartbeat of time.
In and out, soft and slow, step and feel,
step and know.

Wonders await the curious mind.
When did my youth end?  Does it matter?
Your winter brings a new vision of your future in pieces.
Walk in the direction that feels new and
alive, no matter what time has taught you.

 

Life Topics

Time and Treason

DSCN4015

Look in the mirror to
see the terms of your journey.
Time and treason have tried to
lead you to other conclusions.
Negative thought is the
predatory of joyful memory.

Try to recognize yourself in the
form that you’ve become.
Sagging and wrinkles are the
result of hope, fear, laughter,
heartbreak and joy.
Embrace yourself, and never
let go.

Don’t let gravity anchor the
spirit of who you once were.
Dance to a new song that was
written for you today.

A life well lived is the gift that
you wear openly.  A face does
not lie to please the vain.
The scale can’t stop my fancy.
My reflection is a map showing
each stop along the way.

I am beautiful.