Life Topics

Lancaster

I once read that the average person lives in 8 homes in their lifetime.  As I started counting my many dwellings on my fingers, memories of each seeped into my thoughts.  This was the place I lived when my son was born.  That was the place I lived where my roommate’s ex-husband blew up her car.  This was the place I lived when I worked at Digital, and so on.  Nearing the end of my list I slowed down to reminisce about my favorite place, number seven.  A 100-year-old farmhouse in the center of town, a charming New England farmhouse, white of course with black shutters.  It had a small, but comfortable, front porch and a large, attached barn that was almost as big as the house.  Sitting on a quarter acre, it featured a small inviting front yard and a low stone wall lining the driveway with large Hosta adjacent. The front garden and landscape details were impressive, as was the interior that had much more to consider.

After touring the place with a realtor, I knew this was my house.  The crown molding and gourmet kitchen added exquisite detail that was intimate and understated.  The formal dining room had big windows and great light, not to mention the deep rich hardwood floors.  The backyard deck introduced you to a far-reaching fenced in lawn surrounded my mature maple trees. It was very private.  I could see myself having morning coffee on the deck and preparing fantastic meals for my family, fit for a kitchen like this.  I felt an overwhelming sense of contentment as I walked through each room.  The house had great vibes.

I moved in months after the offer was accepted, due to septic issues and red tape.  It was such a long wait that I was starting to feel sorry for myself, a bit disappointed.  However, moving day finally came and I couldn’t wait to start this anticipated chapter.  I was now living on Lancaster in the Historic District at the foot of the hill that led to “Mecca.”  Everything was within walking distance, schools, stores, town hall and common, library and my work.  This would be awesome for my son.  It was the center of the universe I thought.  My journey had started.

Like any new house you try to put your mark on it.  Change things up a bit.  I removed some wallpaper, painted rooms and upgraded cabinet hardware.  My 8-year-old got settled into his digs and had all his things about him.  The barn was getting crowded with boxes and junk, as barns usually do.  I didn’t have enough utensils or gadgets to fill all the cabinets in the vast kitchen or enough furniture to fill the rooms.  I did, however, have the intense desire to make it my own.  There was plenty of time to fill it up.

We were slowly unpacking and settling in when a couple of odd things happened.  First, I could hear knocking and running around in the upstairs rooms.  It appeared that squirrels had set up a homebase in my thin walls and attic.  I was disgusted.  An exterminator said they could put out traps, which over time didn’t help.  And my son told me one morning at breakfast that he saw an old man standing at the end of his bed last night, just looking at him.  I asked, “What did he look like?”  He replied, “You know, old like Papa.”  I said, “What did you do when you saw him?”  “I rolled over and just went back to sleep” he answered.  He wasn’t shaken at all.  I, however, was a little creeped out.  So now I had two somewhat irritating issues, horrific vermin and an old man ghost.

Then came the rain. The bones of this old homestead could not withstand more than a drizzle.  The stone foundation was like a sieve allowing water to fill the entire dirt floor creating a muddy wading pool.  We eventually got a sump pump to alleviate the problem, although it always remained damp. Upstairs, the rain caused a foggy condensation on a skylight in my bathroom.  Just something else to replace.  Once, we had to seek shelter during a tornado warning and ended up going down to the basement, only to stand in knee high water with a weak flashlight.  I would have preferred the tornado.

Holidays were warm and cozy mainly because my heater had to be replaced less than a year after I moved in, and the office addition and downstairs bathroom used absorbingly expensive electric heat.  I had no idea how much that heat cost until I choked on the first bill.  I ended up closing the office and bathroom for the winter, but then had to worry about pipes bursting.  And of course, the pipes did burst. Those annoying things aside, it was a place made for entertaining.  We could fit 50-60 people for gatherings and had ample room for overnight guests.  It was fun to buy décor and antiques keeping with the engaging character.  Mostly though, I loved having a glass of wine as I sat on a warm summer evening listening to the Band Concert at the gazebo on the town common.  It was magical.

Overall, it was all the great memories that made this place so special.  I was truly blessed to have God or fate bring me there.  It was like a vessel that contained my happiest times.  I raised my son, got divorced, had breakups, reconciliations, graduations, holidays, and birthdays.  The ghost occurrences continued to happen, the squirrels were never evicted, the rain brought stress and there were always perpetual repairs to do. However, I don’t regret buying it for one second.

I’m now living in a small comfortable lake house in the same town.  It is where I will lead my next chapter with my partner.  We will grow old here.  The backyard is a watery paradise that brings me serenity and wonder.  It is spectacular.  I often drive by house number seven, Lancaster, and think about how much I loved it.  The place has had suttle transformations that catch the eye.  The landscaping has been meticulously upgraded and the front door is painted a different color.  It looks like the new owners are making it their own.  I am extremely content where I rest my head now.  There won’t be any other homes for me in the future.   I am officially the “average person” living my life out in house number eight.

 

Life Topics

A Great Escape

Leaving the Cape successfully takes an act of God combined with a little fortune telling, and some traffic savvy.  Let’s take a look at a typical scenario.  You’ve had a great weekend with a lot of beach time resulting in sand in your swimsuit bottoms, burnt face and shins, and a little dehydration.  Still you’re having a good time.  You enjoyed a few fancy dinners in a well-lit tourist café with a French name, probably in Hyannis.  You succumbed to the lure of the $6 Cape Cod T-shirts (2 for $10).  You reluctantly played miniature golf at one of the hundreds of courses avoiding the windmill traps, followed by an over-priced ice cream cone at the Four Seas.  Unfortunately, there was no time to catch a Cape League baseball game.  Maybe next time.   Then you’re forced to start thinking about leaving because playtime is almost over.  0-dark-30 is fast approaching where you should have a plan and some fortitude to get off Cape in a relatively quick fashion.

What was my last Cape visit like?  It was somewhat uneventful and unlike the tourist experience. I was visiting my parents and my sister who live in the heart of the Cape.  We don’t usually do tourist stuff, except maybe the beach.  The residents put up with the swollen summer population and the choked streets.  Anyway, I ventured down there late on a Wednesday night and stayed through the weekend.  I worked remotely from Hyannis and overpacked, bringing an overnight bag, beach bag, computer bag, and my dog McDermott, although he wasn’t packed. I decided to go to the beach every morning allowing me some “me-time” to relax and regroup before starting work.

With my toes in the sand and my eyes fixed on the horizon I felt at peace.  I set off by 7:30am each morning, when there were very few worshipers.  I basically had the whole stretch to myself.  Slowly people arrived, an elderly woman in a sand chair with a book, a Latino family of five frolicking in the waves, and a couple of baby-boomers under an umbrella.  It was kind of fun to be a voyeur between salty dips in the water and roasting in the sun.  I can be nosey that way.

However, Saturday night I had to start thinking about what time to leave the next day.  So, I play this imaginary game with myself.  My theory is people will prolong their weekend if they can have another nice beach day; maybe they leave early evening.  Therefore, I can escape on a sunny Sunday morning without too much traffic.   On a dismal day, people will start their trek home early.  No sun, no beach. So, I would stay put and leave later in the day.  So far, I’ve proven this assumption about 80% of the time.  The odds are with me, right?  Wrong.

After having breakfast out with my sister on a gloriously hot Sunday morning I felt like it was time to leave.  The warm sandy beaches would be packed I thought.  Plus I was anxious to get home to end
the weekend with my partner.  So, I no sooner paid the check, and I was packing my car.  The plan was to say my goodbyes, get McDermott in the car, stop at Dunkin’s for a large ice coffee black and sail home. I hoped that the Route 6 runway to the bridge would be clear and uncongested.  I entered the on-ramp with blind faith, a full tank of gas, air-conditioner blasting and a full playlist.  I was ready for anything.

Everything started out fine.  But a couple of miles into the journey the traffic went from a bit sluggish to a full stop; an endless parking lot as far as the eye could see.  Cars jostled between lanes to get inches closer.  I couldn’t help noticing a sign on the side of the road that said, “Evacuation Route”.  It struck me as ironic because there was no way Route 6 could evacuate all the residents at the same time.  Expelling the weekend’s first shift of visitors was clogging the road, never mind adding a whole population.  My brilliant theory was losing ground, and I thought I was being extremely clever.  Sitting there, I felt like I was aging in dog years.  My patience was draining as I sucked on my green spearmint vape and exhaled a cloud of contempt.

I sang along with the music, checked McDermott in the rear-view mirror, thought about the weekend and gazed ahead at the chain of multicolored car roofs that rose up the hill in front of me.  Is going to the Cape worth the hassle?  I think so.  Getting there and crossing the bridge transforms you.  The salt in the air relaxes you causing a comforting lull in your mind.  All worry and concern dissipate the closer you get to the shore.  And when there, you can soak in the many sights, sounds, and smells of the beach, the delicious fresh seafood and the friendly and colorful merchants.  It’s an exquisite place to lose yourself.  In the grand scheme, miscalculating traffic upon your departure is not fatal, only a minor annoyance.   Afterall, think about all the precious memories arranged in your bags to be slowly unpacked when you finally get home.

Life Topics

What I Know

They say write about what you know.  I don’t know what I know.  I guess I can do laundry, fly an excel sheet, take care of a dog, raise two children, chew gum and walk, give up smoking, take up vaping, kill a bottle of wine, knit a sweater, take out the trash (if I have to), almost balance a check book, recite lines from a movie, walk like a chicken, sing badly, play solitaire, half read a book, edit video, send an email and attempt to “dress for success” (not usually done well).  Are any of these things worth writing about?

Instead, I sit at the keyboard trying to dream up an interesting topic.  Find one thing that makes you want to keep reading.  Are you still with me?  Good.  I’ll take baby steps to figure out where I’m going with this.  Kick around a few ideas.  Do you want to see me walk like a chicken?  Probably not.  Can I interest you in a spreadsheet demo?  No.  Maybe some dog tricks?  I’m at a loss, as I fidget and scratch my back with a pencil, wondering what to put on this blank screen.

Here I sit in the glow of the computer.  The 11 o’clock news is on in the background, with the dramatic music to make everything seem urgent.  The dog lies at my feet, breathing heavy, ready for bed.  My laundry basket sits in a dim corner of the bathroom, overflowing with a hint of yesterday’s odors.  I take deep drags from the vape blowing out stress and anxiety, thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow.  I know, I’ll make a list, YES a list!

Not like a “bucket list”, but much simpler.  You know, take notice of how I do things, and try not to do them anymore.  Live in the moment as they say.  Do all the usual stuff, but do it differently, better.  I will think of it as a “don’t” list.

Here goes:

  1. Wake up and don’t dread the morning.
  2. Take a shower and don’t curse your body in the mirror.
  3. Have breakfast, and don’t forget the medication.
  4. Go to mass and don’t fall asleep during the sermon.
  5. Say “I love you” and don’t just walk away, hold his eyes.
  6. Walk the dog and don’t forget the poop bag.
  7. Do the laundry and don’t leave a load in the dryer to pick thru all week.
  8. Call your parents and don’t cry when you hang up because they are so old.
  9. Text your sons just because and don’t forget the little hearts after you say ILY.
  10. Watch a documentary and don’t judge the hoarder, the family or the victim.
  11. Talk to the neighbor and don’t just give a small wave.
  12. Eat the ice cream and don’t feel guilty.
  13. Knit that sweater you’ve been working on for 2 years, and don’t get discouraged.
  14. Work on the computer and don’t lose track of precious time you could have with Jamie.
  15. Say your prayers and don’t leave anyone out.

My eyes are drooping so I have to go to bed now.  This life of mine, like most, is made up of small pieces that have made me the person I have become.  Sure, I can walk like a chicken and work a spreadsheet, but how can I be a better friend, daughter, Mom?  More important questions.  Will people think of me as negative if I feel guilty about the ice cream or too busy to talk to a neighbor, or have a bad body image?  Maybe they won’t even notice.

I finally know that I have to work my “list” in a positive, thoughtful way to make my journey one of love, generosity and faith.

“Time for bed McDermott.  Do you want a treat?”

Life Topics

Wonders Await the Curious Mind

img_0159I walk on feet both callous and soft, stepping firm on the path I’ve chosen.
This journey holds mystery and faith.

Make merry the possibilities of youth
looking to the left and right while moving forward.
Youth is gone, but the excitement lives.

The trail ahead is worn just enough to bring insight and pain.  Avoid the thorns.
Others’ thoughts have made the ground soft and sound, but you must take your own steps, avoiding sharp stones.

Howl at the moon to feel alive and heard.
Breathing deep, feeling the heartbeat of time.
In and out, soft and slow, step and feel,
step and know.

Wonders await the curious mind.
When did my youth end?  Does it matter?
Your winter brings a new vision of your future in pieces.
Walk in the direction that feels new and
alive, no matter what time has taught you.

 

Life Topics

Time and Treason

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Look in the mirror to
see the terms of your journey.
Time and treason have tried to
lead you to other conclusions.
Negative thought is the
predatory of joyful memory.

Try to recognize yourself in the
form that you’ve become.
Sagging and wrinkles are the
result of hope, fear, laughter,
heartbreak and joy.
Embrace yourself, and never
let go.

Don’t let gravity anchor the
spirit of who you once were.
Dance to a new song that was
written for you today.

A life well lived is the gift that
you wear openly.  A face does
not lie to please the vain.
The scale can’t stop my fancy.
My reflection is a map showing
each stop along the way.

I am beautiful.