Life Topics

Anatomy of a Yard Sale

Writing about a yard sale isn’t exactly cutting edge.  If you’ve ever attempted to off-load dusty objects that you once couldn’t live without, or thought you somehow needed in the future – it can be an emotional circus of epic proportion.  I must have imagined, at one time, that owning 4 apple corers would enhance my life beyond expectation.  Or, if called upon for a favor, I could magically produce a kitchen gadget that would impress even Martha Stewart.  However, the experience left me staring at decades of  “inventory”, that read like a diary of  chaos and gluttony.

The parts of the yard sale can be greater than the sum.  Each activity involved mental angst over the memories that I infused into them, like the reeking odor of an overly perfumed woman.   “I remember the holiday we used those dishes….remember we made Christmas cookies with those cutters?….I used to read this book to Adam when he was little……”  I mumbled half-hearted regrets to myself as cars were loaded,  and kids skipped away with Colin’s favorite game.   I’m not saying that everything sold put me in a spin.  I just realized that there is a headset that you need to have to peddle your goods, and necessary advice – “Detach yourself from your junk, or DON’T HAVE A YARD SALE!”

So as the day wore on we watched the identity parade of bargain hunters ebb and flow.   We priced items and reduced prices during the lull, as we heard the intermittent downshift of cars pulling over; some sounding like a last-minute decision, others slowly and deliberately.  For the serious bargain hunter,  we were on the day’s yard sale itinerary.    Whatever their reason for stopping, I knew that the sound of car doors closing meant possible sales.

We met neighbors we’ve never met, and all walks of life.   People stop by to find items that were lost in a divorce, like air conditioners and cooking pots.  Some had no desire to browse,  as they inquired if we had things like WWII memorabilia, small tables, and antique tools.  No, no and no.  One woman examined a “like new” $4 iron, for at least 40 minutes.    “Does it leak?”  “Does it really shut off automatically?”  We offered to plug it in, as I explained that all irons leak a little until they’re warmed up and the water turns to steam.   She struggled with the decision, like she was buying a new car.  She parted with the money, asking one last time, “does it leak”.   I no sooner turned to scan my remaining items, and she had returned for a refund.  A case of overwhelming buyers remorse.  I imaging that the possibility of a  leaky iron was too much to take, no matter how much it cost.

Jamie made a decision, early on, that he was the one to price items.  This came about after I offered everything that wasn’t marked for $1.  He’d roll his eyes, or shake his head like a parent disappointed in a child.  I gladly put him in charge of the money, so I could concentrate on product placement and hosting responsibilities.  Some shoppers noticed his shrewd, but fair pricing, and my lack of market knowledge (“Miss $1”), and waited for him to go to the bathroom to negotiate with me.  We caught on to this and had a good laugh with a woman who came clean, admitting this strategy.  She was offered a discount, based on her initiative and honesty.

The best part of the day was when Jamie negotiated with a little girl over  a small orange beaded purse.  He would have given it away, but she was there to play.   She  held the bag in the palms of her hand, like it was an injured bird, allowing him to see its full value.   Her firm, but gentle grip, revealed that she was serious.  They talked about the price, as she would excuse herself to confer with her mother.  This went on for several minutes, until she came back to Jamie with the purse, and an old Sony Walkman.  If she was going to spend her birthday money, it was going to worth it.  He finally turned to me, and said, “how much for the purse and Walkman?”  Here was my chance.  “One Dollar!!!!!”

I didn’t mention why we had a yard sale.  Jamie and I have decided to live together after 15 years.   As I say to people, “we didn’t want to rush into anything.”  I think the timing is right.   Jamie’s lake house is small and comfortable, as long as clutter is kept under control.  So, I’ve come to terms with only keeping important things like my lucky Kentucky Derby hat and my Woody and Buzz Lightyear action  figures.  As far as those memory infused things, well,  Colin’s game may live to see another yard sale, if all the pieces remain.  Adam is grown as well, and will not be needing to read that beloved book.  It is etched in his heart, and on his tattooed arm (Ferdinand).  The book may end up at a library book sale anyway, or going off to college with a kid who loved it as much as Adam.

Now, where did I put my new apple corer?

Life Topics

What I Know

They say write about what you know.  I don’t know what I know.  I guess I can do laundry, fly an excel sheet, take care of a dog, raise two children, chew gum and walk, give up smoking, take up vaping, kill a bottle of wine, knit a sweater, take out the trash (if I have to), almost balance a check book, recite lines from a movie, walk like a chicken, sing badly, play solitaire, half read a book, edit video, send an email and attempt to “dress for success” (not usually done well).  Are any of these things worth writing about?

Instead, I sit at the keyboard trying to dream up an interesting topic.  Find one thing that makes you want to keep reading.  Are you still with me?  Good.  I’ll take baby steps to figure out where I’m going with this.  Kick around a few ideas.  Do you want to see me walk like a chicken?  Probably not.  Can I interest you in a spreadsheet demo?  No.  Maybe some dog tricks?  I’m at a loss, as I fidget and scratch my back with a pencil, wondering what to put on this blank screen.

Here I sit in the glow of the computer.  The 11 o’clock news is on in the background, with the dramatic music to make everything seem urgent.  The dog lies at my feet, breathing heavy, ready for bed.  My laundry basket sits in a dim corner of the bathroom, overflowing with a hint of yesterday’s odors.  I take deep drags from the vape blowing out stress and anxiety, thinking about what needs to be done tomorrow.  I know, I’ll make a list, YES a list!

Not like a “bucket list”, but much simpler.  You know, take notice of how I do things, and try not to do them anymore.  Live in the moment as they say.  Do all the usual stuff, but do it differently, better.  I will think of it as a “don’t” list.

Here goes:

  1. Wake up and don’t dread the morning.
  2. Take a shower and don’t curse your body in the mirror.
  3. Have breakfast, and don’t forget the medication.
  4. Go to mass and don’t fall asleep during the sermon.
  5. Say “I love you” and don’t just walk away, hold his eyes.
  6. Walk the dog and don’t forget the poop bag.
  7. Do the laundry and don’t leave a load in the dryer to pick thru all week.
  8. Call your parents and don’t cry when you hang up because they are so old.
  9. Text your sons just because and don’t forget the little hearts after you say ILY.
  10. Watch a documentary and don’t judge the hoarder, the family or the victim.
  11. Talk to the neighbor and don’t just give a small wave.
  12. Eat the ice cream and don’t feel guilty.
  13. Knit that sweater you’ve been working on for 2 years, and don’t get discouraged.
  14. Work on the computer and don’t lose track of precious time you could have with Jamie.
  15. Say your prayers and don’t leave anyone out.

My eyes are drooping so I have to go to bed now.  This life of mine, like most, is made up of small pieces that have made me the person I have become.  Sure, I can walk like a chicken and work a spreadsheet, but how can I be a better friend, daughter, Mom?  More important questions.  Will people think of me as negative if I feel guilty about the ice cream or too busy to talk to a neighbor, or have a bad body image?  Maybe they won’t even notice.

I finally know that I have to work my “list” in a positive, thoughtful way to make my journey one of love, generosity and faith.

“Time for bed McDermott.  Do you want a treat?”

Life Topics

Excerpts from Solla Sollew

I_Had_Trouble_in_Getting_to_Solla_Sollew“I had trouble in getting to Solla Sollew
Where they never have problems
at least very few.

I learned there are troubles of more than one kind;
Some come from ahead and some come from behind

… leave Solla Sollew for the city of Boola Boo Ball, on the
banks of the beautiful river Woo-Wall, and known to never
have troubles “No troubles at all!!”

But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!“.
                                                                                    Dr. Seuss

I used to read this book to my kids and it became one of my all-time favorites   🙂
If you haven’t read this book, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Visit your local library today.