Day: February 20, 2023

Life Topics

Annulment

Jo Toale

If it wasn’t bad enough surviving an abusive marriage, now I’m forced to recount it for others outside my circle of friends.  This stuff is private and hurtful and sensitive.  However, there it is in a list of questions, asking “Why the marriage broke up”, “Were We Good Catholics” etc. etc.  There’s not enough time or energy to express all that went wrong.  Not to mention, it had nothing to do with religion.  My desire to remarry in the Catholic Church has proven to be monumental and slightly insane.  It’s called the Annulment process and it’s awkwardly personal and mildly disturbing.

The requests for mountains of documents and infuriating questions have brought me to a standstill.  What was I thinking?  Is walking down a church isle that important to me?  I’m beginning to wonder.  But, still, I stick to my guns.  Like a good Catholic girl, I honestly answer all the questions not quite understanding why they are important.  “Did I try to have my marriage blessed in the church?”  No.  “Are there any Character witnesses.”  No.  The answer is No. No. and No.  God Damn it.

I understand they want to make sure we are entering this sacrament with full commitment, but do we have to bare our souls in order to please the church?  God knows me.  I mean, really knows me.  I talk to him multiple times a day and am very happy with our relationship.  But, alas, that’s not enough. The line of questioning is supposed to paint a full picture of who I am.  A heathen, who married outside of the church, had no desire to have the marriage blessed, and dissolved a marriage like I was throwing out a dirty rag.

Apparently, a group of priests will hold my future in their hands, judging the answers that I give.  Tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.  OK.  He was mentally unstable and verbally abusive.  Is that what you really want to know?  Do you want to know all the times I sobbed because he called me names and put me down?  Do you want to know how screwed up marriages can be?  Should I have gotten that hot mess blessed in the church?  I don’t think so.

Do I sound bitter?  Well, believe it or not, I am not.  I am going through with this because I am devout member of my church.  Do I like these questions?  Absolutely not!  All I can do is follow through and see where it brings me.  If I’m not a fit Catholic than so be it.  I know my character and am proud of who I am.  If my annulment is not granted, then we fly to Vegas and have Elvis marry us.  It’s going to happen one way or another.

Amen.

Life Topics

A Walk in the Woods

Jo Toale

The once buried autumn leaves were scattered throughout the trail, dried out from the last snow fall.
Scattered winter branches and twigs littered the path.  Tree roots peeked through the leaves which could cause an ankle injury if you weren’t paying attention.  Picking up your feet was required to continue.  Downhill was tricky as my boots would slip on the leaves, narrowly missing roots.  Today was a gift of early spring, calling us to the trail for a mid-afternoon walk with McDermott our dog.

The creaking whine of large tree branches high above would remind you of a squealing animal when the wind moves through the woods.  We hardly noticed it as we “talked treason”, as the Irish say.  Quiet seclusion is the perfect place for conversation.  Walking side by side keeping an eye out for the dog, our legs and breathing in sync, connecting with each other beyond routine.  Nature wipes out a revving mind, a worried mind and focuses on basic steps and the simple beauty of the empty wood.

A mile and a half into the walk, we rounded a corner approaching my favorite knoll of pine trees.   This is the place where the air drapes over me in calm.  I walk below the pines and hope he feels the same way.  This location approaches the last bridge before we complete the circle, so it’s my last exhale before we go back to our life.  Looking forward as the path winds to the bridge makes me happy and sad at the same time.  The parking lot is not far.  I don’t want to go home yet.

McD takes this last opportunity to leap over some downed trees off the path and run into the water to muddy his paws.  I don’t care if my car gets filthy.  He circles around and repeats his joy, running ahead of us.  McDermott’s freedom of movement brings me to a place of total comfort.  Animals are meant to run free without consequence.  They show you how much they enjoy the occasional untethering, and I’m excited for him.

Ask me what my favorite thing to do is?  A long walk in the woods with my sweet dog and my committed partner.  We solve problems, cherish memories, and have some laughs.  We lovingly reconnect in a way that you can’t plan or even expect.  The change of scenery reaches into a place we don’t often go.  It can be all encompassing allowing us to have the simplest of thoughts reflected in our basic wooded surroundings.  It is magical.